How Are You?

That's one of scariest questions one could ask, and the one that's always asked, it seems like a protocol:

Person A: "Hello!" (Used to initiate conversation)
Person B: "Hello!" (An acknowledgement, used to show that you're a polite person, even though you don't want to engage in actual conversation with A)
Person A: "How are you?" (An almost mandatory question, it can only be skipped if you already met B very recently, and it's used no matter if you're interested or not on B's feelings)

Now, the most difficult part is to answer it. If one wants to avoid trouble, just say "Fine", even if you aren't.

Person B: "I'm fine, and you?" (Again, B is talking "defensively" and just trying to be polite)
Person A: "I'm fine too, thanks for asking." (Why say thanks? B didn't do you a favour, he/she is just trying to be polite)

But no one is fine all the time, so the answer wouldn't be correct and you'd be lying. So you think of answering something along the lines "Not so good", "I'm so-so" or some other expression meaning you're about 50% okay and 50% not okay. So, let's roll our convo back:

Person B: "I'm so-so, and you?"
Person A: "Oh, why?" (Not that A is interested, he/she just need to keep on talking in order to find a actual subject to start an actual conversation)

That's why that question is scary. If you say you're fine, then that's okay, but if you say you're not, an avalanche of other questions start, including several you don't know the answers or you don't want to talk about. It's a bit evil, if you ask me. People don't "care" when you say you're happy (even if you visibly aren't), but they do "care" when you don't.

In any given moment, we have many reasons to feeling either good or bad, and it'd be simply be so damn annoying to make an exhaustive list:

Person B: "I'm feeling terribly sad."
Person A: "Why?"
Person B: "Because I can't find a job, I broke up with my girlfriend, I had a fight with my family, it's raining, it's obscenely hot for this time of the year, somebody stole my car, my team lost the match last night, there's a war ongoing on Lebanon, there are children starving in Ethiopia and I have a headache."

This is equally annoying, but never happens in real life:

Person B: "I'm okay."
Person A: "Why?"
Person B: "I got a promotion, my girlfriend is pregnant, my family came to visit me, there's a beautiful sun shining outside, I bought a new convertible car and my team won the national championship.

So, next time you ask me how I am, be prepared to listen whatever you don't want to! (Or I could just go the easy way and say "fine")

Soundtrack: Garotos Podres - Oi, Tudo Bem?